The Beautiful Game of Life, Emotional Intelligence Made Easy!
"The Beautiful Game of Life, Emotional Intelligence Made Easy!" is Ep 003 of my Bucket List project “100 Things I Want to Share Before I Die”
I believe that life is a game and one of my favourite books on how people play the game of life is “Games People Play” by psychiatrist Eric Berne.
In his book, Berne explains how we show up in various ego-states; the Parent, Adult and Child ego-states. For example, someone showing up with a Parent ego-state may assume an authoritarian position relative to the other person. Parent-Child games often play out between autocratic employers and their subservient employees; the employer plays the Parent game while the subservient employee plays the Child game (the transaction shown in the diagram below).
Although this is often the way the game is played in many employer/employee relationships, the game doesn’t have to be played this way. For example, an employee could choose to show up in a different, Parent or Adult, ego-state. What would that transaction look like? One could lead to fireworks, the other to increasing respect and cooperation.
Here’s the point. We can’t control how other people play the game but we can control the ego-state with which we show up for the game; and the game we choose to play can influence the way other people play the game when transacting with us.
“We can’t control others but we can influence the game they play, both positively and negatively.”
What games are we playing and how well are we playing?
Have you ever been caught in a Vicious Spiral of anger and argument that you later regretted?
- How did the conflict arise?
- What caused you to get angry?
- How did the argument develop?
- Did your anger escalate as the argument unfolded?
- How did the argument end?
- How did you feel after the argument?
- What game was being played?
- What ego-state did you adopt?
- What ego-state did each of the other players adopt?
- Who influenced who? Or, as I like to say, who yanked who’s chain?
- What do you wish you had done differently?
- How could things have worked out better?
- What outcome would have been better, more desirable?
Playing a better game is what “The Beautiful Game of Life” seeks to achieve.
The Beautiful Game of Life.
Football, the soccer kind, is often called “the beautiful game”, a fast-moving game of strategy and fluid movement as players navigate their way around an ever-changing field of play. It’s the artistry of the game that I want us to keep in mind as we explore this week’s topic, “The Beautiful Game of Life, Emotional Intelligence Made Easy”. The artistry of the game is what’s important here because, in “The Beautiful Game of Life”, collaboration is usually the better way to achieve desirable outcomes (more about this in “MatchingAgendas, the Simple Art of Caring”, which is another ‘Thing” I want to share soon).
A Team Game.
In “The Beautiful Game of Life” our ego-state shows up as a team, our emotions are the players and we are the captain of the team. Imagine what that looks like?
Look back at the Vicious Spiral game we considered earlier, what players showed up for the argument? Did your emotions ‘just show up and play’ or did you consciously choose which emotions to send onto the field? Probably the first, not so?
In this week’s free webinar we will explore how to select the best players for each game.
- What emotions are best for the game of love?
- What emotions are best to have on the field when negotiating a business deal?
Two completely different games, aren’t they?
What other games are you playing?
- Are you playing effectively?
- Are you getting the results you want?
This week, I will also set up a free four-part course for anyone who is interested to explore the topic is more detail.
Please join the conversation.
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